The True Value of Advice

For the longest time I felt that advice, and dispensing it, was something i felt obligated to do. I believed there was no greater showing of compassion in dispensing advice to those that sought it or appeared to need it. Advice is a funny thing. Its a personal reflection of our direct interpretation of life and our experiences. We place great value on what we perceive to know, and what we've learned. We tend to feel that our knowledge acquired is universal, and all encompassing. I used to place a high value on my advice.

I felt a sort of moral duty to help those I saw or felt were lost, confused, or hurting. I believed that my advice was true. I felt that if only an individual could come to see things my way, perhaps they could overcome what ailed them. This line of thinking is commonplace in most people. For it stems from a desire to see others happy, and free from suffering, a noble en devour. Yet what's often overlooked is a deeper aspect to advice, and that's selfishness. All advice unless given with consideration to each persons personal story, is based in selfishness. We believe that "our" advise is helpful. That "our" advice can perhaps help someone. The truth is that the conclusions you have come to realize in life, and the words u dispense as advice based on those conclusions, are yours and yours alone. No one can explicitly understand what it is you have gone through or what you garnered from it. The inherent emptiness in life is the reason for that.

All things, people, and events are naturally devoid of all meaning. We ascribe a particular meaning, emotion, or purpose to everything and everyone in life. And its because of this that we all will see things differently. Sure most people agree that certain things are universal such as death being sad, or murder being bad, but even this deserves a closer look, for not all people believe it, and if one person doesn't believe it then it its not inherent. And without it being inherent, then whatever conclusions we draw about it are ours and ours alone. So then knowing this should we not give advice? Should we not help others in there time of need or confusion? The answer is yes we should, but we must be mindful when we do so.

We must remember that the goal is not to change how a person is thinking or feeling, because all the words in the world can't do that unless taken to heart by the person who is listening . Words, like all things, are inherently empty, and are not symbols themselves, rather are interpretations of symbols. We must remember to respect the fact that we may give all we have and still not be able to help the person. Advice is not meant to sway or comfort, neither can be done by another, its purpose is to guide. True happiness, true peace of mind can only come from oneself. If u rely on others or their words you'll find that happiness fleeting and unsatisfying. If I'm to find true peace of mind and comfort it must come from within otherwise it won't be mine, it will someone else's, and it will be based on there interpretation of experiences and life. Even though we may have had similar reactions or backgrounds, we still cannot say with certainty that we will draw the same feelings or conclusions from life's experiences. What works for me is exclusive.

I like to always try and preface that, when I talk to someone about life or a concern they may have and need advice on. I like to let people know the conclusions I've drawn are not meant to be copied or mimicked, because then they haven't been truly realized and therefore won't change the mind set you may have sought to change or understand. The goal from my advice or anyone's for that matter, is to use it as a guide, as motivation, as inspiration to change and seek out the answers yourself. No therapist, priest, parent, or anyone, can truly help you no matter how wise or well educated they may be. In medicine and science we place a high value on the knowledge we have of the mind and how it works. Doctors and psychologists administer treatment that is based on data gathered and knowledge learned over centuries of tests and trials. Yet what they fail to understand is that it is not the complete answer. The mind is not merely connected to the body, but also to the spirit, the soul. It may not be testable or based in science, but the soul is there in all of us. It is from here were" true" change must arise, and must be considered in any effective psychological treatment.

We all have the capacity to overcome all obstacles in life. We all can be happy and maintain a peaceful mind set at all times, but it can't come solely from advice. You must learn to seek the answers out yourself. We're often afraid to rely on ourselves in challenging or confusing times. We feel perhaps the support of others words can help us, but while this may work temporarily sometimes, we will invariably encounter a situation where no amount of advice or words will bring us any measure of peace or comfort. It is during these times we must look deep within ourselves and confront the fear we have and the belief that we even need help at all.

The true purpose of advise should always be to breed self sufficiency. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll never go hungry. We should take heed of this old quote and focus our advice not on changing how someone is feeling through our advice, but rather inspire them to seek out the answers for themselves. In doing so they will be no longer dependent on others to overcome obstacles, but rather find the true innate power within themselves that we all possess.

Life is Suffering...and Thats the Only Way it Can Be

“None can come to the sublime heights of the divinity , said the Eternal Wisdom, or taste its ineffable sweetness, if first they have not experienced the bitterness and lowliness of my humanity. The higher they climb without passing by my humanity, the lower afterward shall be their fall. My humanity is the road which all must tread who would come to that which you seek: my sufferings are the door by which all must come in." ~ Heinrich Suso (C 1300 - 1366) German mystic